Delicate Hands

''Angel's with silver wings, shouldn't know suffering.''

Aggravated, agile.

This weekend I completed a  holistic massage training course, it was great. 

As a group we practised and were practised on by fellow students. 

Our teacher, Eva, was brilliant. 

A German woman, very concise and thorough in her teaching, also friendly and beautiful to watch.

At first I was a little unnerved at finding out how close we were to be with working with people, you don't realise until you're in the moment that by just placing your hands on another person; on another's skin, is such an intimate experience, but by the end of the last day, which was yesterday, I was fine with it, and I really enjoyed it, I feel a little more confident within myself too. 

We learned hand, face, neck and back massage, I've learnt so much about the body in just one weekend than what I probably have done in the past year! And, thinking about it, I don't think I've ever been touched or touched another like I have over this weekend with any of my lover's. 

I've been touched in such a way of beauty that I can't describe it.

So loving, so gentle, and so caring. So HUMAN.

I'm shocked that I've never experienced anything like this with a partner. I mean, yes, I've been touched, but not in the slow, gentle and caring ways in which I have been this weekend. And it wasn't in a sleazy or sexual way, but a very loving and humanly knowing way. No wonder relationships fall apart if you don't have this kind of natural communication within them. We seem to be so focused on sex as the main goal in relationships sometimes, when it isn't this what we're craving, it's more than that, it's learning how to listen and feel with our bodies that's important, communicating with our bones, with skin, with tender tissue.

You can learn so much about someone by just placing your hands on them, feeling with your palms and with your fingertips, delicate lines of robust skin.

The love that evaporated from that training room yesterday was something I've never felt before, it's something I've been afraid to feel for a very long time. It was nice to also let myself be touched, and to let myself feel grateful for receiving and experiencing deep relaxation, it's something I'm not quite so used to; accepting pleasure, I'm very comfortable in giving and expressing my love, but not in receiving it.

There was something that was opened up within all of us this weekend, and it was beautiful.

It's quite sad to think that, as humans, we're so capable of loving so much on a deep and tender level, yet we don't know how to show it, even with our partners. But in truth, we do know, we're just so afraid of and shy away from what is different, either because no one else is doing it, or no one else is talking about it. 

Where there's no hype, no one wants to play, because they're too afraid.

I don't want to be afraid any more, there's still plenty more doors, just waiting to be opened, and I really don't care if no one else is coming or going, the only person taking me is one who I trust more than anyone else in the world, and that person is myself.

Something so precious that's been chiselled out of us; that very same something that urges us to say 'hello' or 'good-mornin' to the people we walk past on the street, that longing within us that would like to talk to the person/people we sit next to on the bus or the train; that sparkly star that we still carry, has been slowly gnawed away at from a very young age.

Today, within myself and other lovely beings, that sparkly essence was opened, and it felt beautiful, so, so beautiful. We were like children again, so at ease and care free, so relaxed in giving and receiving pure love, through conscious touch, conscious care and a heightened awareness.

This love, was tantric. You could smell it in the air, and it's a scent I long to follow further.

I'm only just at the opening of yet another door, another door leading to a higher state of consciousness.

And there's yet to be many more.

*

What made our tails split?

What was put inside us that made us think?

''This is what makes me believe in God,'' she said,

''All of this here now isn't by accident, it can't be. It's too intricate, too imperfect.''

I may not know why I'm here, but it doesn't stop me believing, and it never will.

Everything is changeable, nothing lasts forever.

This is just but a game, just a lesson.

Play it, learn it.

It's your life, live it.

x

Mother's Love

I was ill, yet people wanted to be me.

They adored me so much so as to betray me.

They yearned to breathe me, to feel me, to know me, inside out.

All I wanted, was love; friendship.

Their 'love,' seemed never enough, because it was too much, it was forced, tortured, twisted; stuck.

Now I have found true love, a love unconditional, and all she asks is that I love her just as much in return.

Unsurprisingly, I do, and it isn't hard at all, for I have known of her love since birth, since the beginning of atoms, since the crawling of her womb broke free from beneath the glaciers.

I have no space now for any love but hers,

I am filled to the top with love, for her love is all love, and all love is hers.

You know who she is?..

..Yes, you know who she is..our beautiful Mother Earth.

Our beautiful Mother Earth.

x

A matter of consciousness

It's funny the way we look at things in life sometimes, with such a negative view. 

From a birthmark being labelled unlucky to a certain culture, or as a disfigurement if scorn across the face, whereas if it appears anywhere else, such as the hand or feet, it is not as bad.

As I walk around the city in my home town of Sheffield, I see how self conscious young children and teens are becoming; very fashion conscious, with a heightened awareness of their outer selves; their appearance; their demeanour. I wonder if they are just as focused on their inner self, or as to what is going on in their surroundings?

Facebook is becoming a mental phenomenon, the pressure that has subtly yet suddenly crept in on people to feel the need to express what they're doing with their lives to the whole world; how they look, what they like and don't like, who they're meeting and where they're going. Now, I'm not saying that this is wrong, for who is to say what is right and what is wrong? We all have a certain eye on how we see the world. But I am saying that we should tread carefully on unknown waters; on things that take off with subtle speed and popularity. 

I think Facebook is creating a comfortable culture, one in which deems 'everything is going to be ok' and 'keep calm and carry on.' Facebook, when you're zoned into it, makes you lazy; nonsensical, it airs out a certain 'comfort ozone' - a thick layer of desensitized bullshit, and, where we're not careful, this bullshit spreads, and spreads, and spreads..

Keeping with my comment on how we can look at things in life with such a negative view, I think that rings true with the point I've just made, and I think it's healthy too, for if we never recognized the negative, then we  would never set out to seek a positive.

Focus on ourselves is good, but I'm interested in going a little deeper than what's just on the surface, aren't you?

Combine the inner with the outer.

Combine consciousness with matter.

Don't seek an answer, but question, all the same.

Souls speak in their own words.