I have seen demons before,
true.
In here lies my insides,
black and cold and blue.
But nothing has hurt me more
than people not being true;
myself included.
Truth is great and powerful,
truth hurts and truth saves.
Truth is a mirror through which you forgave,
truth is a shield of which I proclaim.
I want to go walking, to get lost
and to dance in the rain.
I want nothing more than for you to love me.
I am all that you remain,
I am your guidance
I am your pain.
And all that we carry in this life,
is truth,
stinking, rotting, burning truth,
whether we choose to speak it or not
is a choice of our own.
I have died and tried a thousand times,
in the arms of others,
and in the arms of my own,
but no other truth,
regardless of fact, has ever brought
me here;
Alone. Compact.
What mission was I saved from? Where was the place we last met?
Survival isn't necessary;
reflect.
*
And under the moonlit sun
she kissed me,
and I was saved.
No more a slave,
no more a slave,
no more
a burden to myself.
Regained strength - remained strong.
Regained strength - carried on.
The horses are waiting,
ride...ride...ride....
your eyes, forsaking mine -
I come alive, I come alive,
with arms open wide,
I come....
Alive.
I feel depressed. My period is late by three days, so that means my Winter cycle has been extended by three days, fan-fucking-tastic.
I feel highly - HIGHLY - irritated. The slightest itch or the tiniest thing that touches me is provoking something within me to want to murder someone, brutally. With no remorse, nor shame, just sheer satisfaction.
Why do we feel like this during the build up to our periods? It's horrible.
And no one speaks about it??!!! Even more horrible!
Nature is cruel.
I cannot stand these people (so-called ''hippies'' and New Age advocates) that walk through life pretending that everything is ''amazing,'' and worst of all voicing their opinions (making sure that we all know about it) that ''happiness is our true nature.'' It's a load of bollocks. It's rude, ignorant and unrealistic. You people are psychopaths.
How can ''happiness'' be our ''true nature'' (what is someone's true nature anyway? when we are so many different people at different times and stages in our lives, constantly changing and growing?) when we women go through a pain-staking growth every four weeks of our lives? Such a transformative process that each and every one of us should honor and respect.
It is nature; the cycles of nature, and they live within all women.
And nature isn't nice, nor is she happy, especially not at this point in our world.
So, if we reflect nature, how can we be truly happy?
This world is corrupt, disturbing and a scary place to live in. Yes, I feel grateful for life and to be alive, and I am grateful and thankful to live in such a beautiful area of Sheffield; to have running water, access to food and a bed to sleep in, etc. But this doesn't take me away from our reality, and nor would I want it to.
I am grounded, and I truly believe the times we are living in right now are difficult, stressful and depressing. We have everything we want - can have everything we want. But does it - has it, made us happier?
Nope.
Writing this during my Winter cycle (when I am depressed, anxious, introverted,) has made me realize that this is my time for reflection. I usually dread this cycle, as it completely changes who I am/who I think I am, but now, I think I'm starting to like it, as it brings me ever more closer to truth.
No one talks about depression; about darkness. It's a subject that is left in the dark and one that I feel we should give voice to and share our true feelings and our true emotions, not emotions or feelings that we think we should be feeling.
Many people may not like this post, but I can't write in any other way except from my heart, from my truth, and truth sometimes hurts.
I highly recommend this book for anyone who wishes to read more about the cycles/nature of women, it changed my life:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Kissing-Hag-Goddess-Unacceptable-Nature-ebook/dp/B00AAZJBGE
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