Hag Town

15.07.13

There was a lot of work going on in my dream state last night, lots of spanners in the work deep in my psyche, it felt as if I got right inside the cogs of my unconscious as I took myself on a personal and virtual trippy tour of dreamland. I found myself in a small, gnome-like town, an old town, a place for little creatures, and I came across two houses, one at either side of me. 

One of the houses welcomed only positive thoughts and attitudes and productive thinking, with no room or exceptions for unnecessary fears. The other house was for negative thoughts only, and it seemed to be falling apart by the second, and before I could explore inside, it suddenly became flooded in custard..(??!).

I can't recall if I explored the other house, but that seemed to be the one that I chose - positivity and a productive attitude.

As I began to explore deeper into this cog town I found myself walking through an underground tunnel, it was well lit and there were lots of people walking through it. 

I came across two old people, they appeared to be men, although one of them a little of both - male and female. This she-male began attacking me verbally, he looked viscous and angry, looking me in the eyes as he provoked me. As I felt the fear rising within my gut, I became sick and I was afraid, but instead of running away, something within me prevailed and I stayed. I confronted him and I myself became someone to be feared. I revealed my snarling, menacing face; my hag face, and I bellowed him to leave me be. As I did so, his face suddenly mellowed and he disappeared. I had used my fear as a tool to protect myself, instead of bottling it up and letting it destroy me.

Was this she-male my ego that I confronted, or my fear itself?

When we confront our fears, sometimes 'sending them love or light' to bid them away just won't do, sometimes we need to snarl our slimy teeth and reveal our venomous tongues in order to protect ourselves, in order for them, and for our 'whole' self, to truly understand and recognise our own power and potential.

If we run from what we fear, then we feed the negative (the house drowned in custard), yet if we face our fears, the more we feed and nourish the house of creative drive and potential. The more we stand up for ourselves, the more respect we receive and inspire within others.

Much in the same way as when you're trying to sleep in a hotel dorm, you're a long way from home, it's late, and the girl in the room next to you is chatting, quite loudly, to her friend on the phone. You lye in there in bed, sweltering from the nights heat, absolutely knackered and seething each time she wakes you from your meditative state of relaxation before you drift off into sleep.

Do you have to accept that situation and be masterfully Zen about it? 

Do you fuck.

You will anger yourself more and you'll hurt yourself in the process by suppressing your wild nature; by not standing up for yourself - through fear of not being liked if you do so.

Fuck that.

Sometimes a Zen attitude just won't do, and conforming is tiring, dry and draining.

So you get up out of bed, knock on her door, and tell her..''Please could you keep the noise down, I have an early start tomorrow and am trying to sleep.''  - Polite, yet the look on your face is bold, stagnant; she can practically smell your seriousness of the situation, and with her door half open, she nods and says quietly (much quieter now than she'd been talking on the phone earlier)..

''Oh yes, of course. I'm sorry.'' And closes the door.

You return to your bed, hoping to get some rest.

The girl's voice has quietened, and within ten minutes she ends her phone call.

It may be easier to accept certain situations and fears in your life, but it takes courage that is both sensitive and respectful to face them and stand up, not only to them, but more importantly, for yourself.

Be open and willing to accept the dark inside you as much as the light.

Nestle within it.

usted es su oscuridad

You are your darkness.

You are your Hag.

x