Acid. (pt. 1).

Coiled hands and curling toes, wrapped around blankets and sleeping bags of which I've lain in for, I don't know how long..an hour? two hours? the whole night?

In a cold and dampened tent, I lye, 

(awake? asleep?)

and I go backwards in time over the last five days, 

slipping in and out of consciousness, afraid to close my eyes, 

afraid to open them. 

''I get it now,'' I think to myself,

 ''It was all just a dream, and it all makes sense now..doesn't it?''

But I soon come to realise, right there and then, that I am lost, 

and I have forgotten where and who I am, completely.

And then I remember, it's not a dream, it's a nightmare.

It was my nightmare, 

my worst nightmare.

 I had lost my mind, I had gone mad, like, properly mad. 

I had fallen down a darkened hole, just like Alice did, 

except in this hole, there were no rabbits, no mad but friendly hatters, no signs of nature being nice..

just me, my mind and I..lost, in the darkness.

Would I ever make it back?

Shambala Festival, August 2012

Acid is a drug I had never given much thought to. I'd taken it once - half a tab - after a psy-trance party in Sheffield about a year before, and another time, a year before that, in a similar situation, but I'd never really felt the effects, not properly. I'd been too tired after partying for hours and a lack of sleep had left me drained of any energy to be bothered to think or even move. Both of these times I'd slept it off, and if anything the drug had just relaxed me and helped me to sleep, (after firstly being totally absorbed in and mesmerised, for a full half an hour, by the now moving pictures on my living room walls, and after falling into a portrait photo of myself which I'd found on my camera from the night before), but yes, apart from that, I'd never really experienced a so-called 'acid trip;' never really been aware of, or in the know about what this drug does to you, where it takes you, where it could lead you. All I knew, or all I thought I knew, was that it was a drug that presumably, made you laugh a lot and feel really happy, and maybe bump into a pink elephant or two, bounce on a few hills like mr. soft, or fly on some giant butterflies you found at the bottom of your garden. 


I'd always said that acid would be the one and only drug (save heroin) that I would never, ever take. I had no idea that I would once again be offered this drug, twice more in the space of just four hours, and that I would say yes. I had no idea that at Shambala Festival, August 2012, would be the place where I would lose my mind..like, properly lose my mind. 

I should maybe try and piece the bits of it I lost together, before I forget what happened completely…